Movies That Need To Be Adapted Into Video Games

Any cognizant person knows that when Hollywood makes a movie based off of a popular video game, nothing good can come of it. From the atrocious 1993 Super Mario Brothers to any trainwreck made by hack extraordinaire Uwe Boll, video game fans and casual moviegoers alike pretty much expect to be disappointed when they walk into the theater, as any such adaptation is certainly ill-advised.

However, on the flip side, have you ever seen a certain movie and thought to yourself, "Damn, this would be one kick-ass video game"? I know I have, and while there have been many such adaptations (either concurrent with the film's release, or years after the fact), some films have been left out for some inexplicable reason. Here are ten great movies that I wouldn't mind reenacting on my Xbox:

KILL BILL

While the only Tarantino film to be made into a game was the poorly-made 2006 adaptation of 1992's Reservoir Dogs, it's certainly surprising that there was no digital version of QT's 2003/2004 martial arts/spaghetti western-homage extravaganza Kill Bill. From her harsh training under kung fu master Pai Mei and various possible assassin missions before Bill's betrayal, to her escaping the hospital in Texas and facing the Crazy 88 gang, this bloody, rip-roaring tale of revenge would certainly earn its "M" rating.

DISTRICT 9

This sci-fi sleeper hit of 2009 surprised critics and filmgoers for its cerebral tone and sociopolitical subtext, but it certainly didn't skimp on action and spectacle. The player would portray South African government operative-turned-fugitive Wikus van der Merwe, a human slowly turning into one of the aliens that he helped persecute, desperately search for a cure for his malady. The first third of the game would have Wikus rely on stealth and his wits in the dangerous Johannesburg slums, but as his alien side takes over, the following two thirds would allow the player access to badass alien weaponry and mech battlesuits, fighting MNU operatives, Nigerian mercenaries, and even rogue alien prawns.

PINEAPPLE EXPRESS

Why the hell not? Any game based on the stoner action-comedy starring Seth Rogen and James Franco would be an absolute hoot to play. Playing as either slacker process server Dale Denton or high-as-a-kite pot dealer Saul Silver, the player must go on the run, battling evil drug lords, Asian gangsters, and crooked cops. Of course, the tone of the game would be as light-hearted and madcap as the film, and instead of power-ups in the form of hearts, it'd be bags of weed! Genius.

CADDYSHACK

To hell with Tiger Woods PGA Tour, this would be the ULTIMATE golfing game (and it'd actually be exciting to play). You'd be allowed to choose between playing playboy golfer Ty Webb, young caddy Danny Noonan, stuffy Judge Smails, and flamboyant Al Czervik (with Bill Murray's Carl Spackler as an unlockable character) in an 18-hole career mode, supplemented by random gopher appearances, foul language, explosions, and Kenny Loggins music.

EQUILIBRIUM

Why there hasn't been a video game based on the vastly underrated Christian Bale sci-fi thriller is beyond me. As a former law enforcement officer of a dystopian and oppressive society that outlaws and suppresses emotion, the highly efficient John Preston must aid an underground resistance movement to battle the totalitarian government he formerly worked for. This game would be martial arts nirvana, especially with the fictional "Gun Kata" fighting style made for the film.

SIN CITY

The stylish neo-noir action film based on the graphic novel series by Frank Miller turned a lot of heads for its highly stylized visuals and gritty atmosphere, and rightfully so. So just imagine a Grand Theft Auto-style action game mixed with film noir trappings, where the player would control three characters: honest cop John Hartigan, brute-with-a-heart-of-gold Marv, and mysterious killer Dwight McCarthy as they traverse through the dangerous and dark 'burg of Basin City. Add the film's monochromatic color scheme, and the rest writes itself.

THIS IS SPINAL TAP

Forget Guitar Hero. Screw Rock Band. The only music game you'd need is one starring the greatest British rock group that you've never heard of. The game, based on the classic mockumentary, would utilize the same basic gameplay engine of the two aforementioned rhythm games, only adding flourishes that would be appropriate to the movie's style, such as challenge modes where you'd have to play while under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs, minigames where the player would have to find their way around the backstage area in time for a show, and a playlist including the Tap's greatest hits, such as "Big Bottom", "Break Like the Wind", and "Lick My Love Pump".

DEATH RACE 2000

This game based on the David Carradine/Sly Stallone cult hit would have a simple premise: drive as fast as you can, and hit as many pedestrians as you can. Sure, it'd be sadistic and gratuitous, but it'd be fun as hell, right?

ARMY OF DARKNESS

While there have been quite a few video games based on the Evil Dead franchise in general, there's never been a true adaptation of the third entry in the classic screwball comedy-horror trilogy. Thrown back in time to Medieval England, chainsaw-armed supermarket clerk Ash woos the pretty ladies, yells at peasants, and vanquishes evil Deadite zombies with a variety of weapons and his Oldsmobile Delta. Throw in the voice of the great Bruce Campbell. Any questions?

BOOGIE NIGHTS

Uh... use your imagination.

Review: "IRON MAN 2"

If there's one aspect of superhero movies that can get tiring or even annoying, it's the fact that said heroes are always suffering from angst and emotional suffering. Whether it's the persecuted mutants of the X-Men, the vengeance-minded Batman and Punisher, the guilt- and responsibility-ridden Spider-Man, or the dysfunctional family of the Fantastic Four, these heroes are always saddled with grief and mopey dispositions. You never see them truly happy or even stoked that they possess such awesome powers, gadgets, or abilities.

So it truly was a breath of fresh air when Iron Man blasted into theaters in 2008. Helmed by actor-director Jon Favreau (Elf, Zathura) and the first of Marvel Studios' line of independently-produced films, Iron Man not only reinvigorated a then-sagging film genre, but also singlehandedly revived the career of one Robert Downey Jr. Once practically blacklisted by the Hollywood community for his troubled personal life, the highly talented actor proved all naysayers wrong when he took the role of billionaire, playboy industrialist Tony Stark.

Downey's magnetic, snarky, and charismatic performance was a key factor in the film's massive success, both critically and commercially ($318 million at the domestic box office). It also cemented his official comeback, where he followed up with a riotous, Oscar-nominated turn in Tropic Thunder, a key dramatic role in The Soloist, and a wonderful reinvention of Arthur Conan Doyle's fictional detective in last winter's Sherlock Holmes.

But if anything was a major reason for Iron Man's successful emotional connect with moviegoers, it was that instead of moping around his snazzy Malibu pad and whining about having to live with a electromagnetic heart that powers his badass flying suit of armor, the middle-aged Stark reveled in his new and unique situtation, balancing his do-gooder superhero duties with an almost childlike sense of fun and glee.

So of course, as with any successful superhero franchise, a sequel was inevitable, and while (almost expectedly) Favreau and new screenwriter Justin Theroux couldn't capture the magic that made the first film so wonderfully engaging, Iron Man 2 still holds up thanks to the supercharged performance of its lead actor.

Six months after revealing to the world that he is indeed the armored hero Iron Man, Tony Stark has been on top of the world, basking in his personal and professional fame and glory, and has been highly responsible for the unprecedented and uninterrupted period of peace around the world. His loyal assistant and confidant Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) has been promoted to CEO of Stark Enterprises, allowing Tony (ever the womanizer) to hire the comely and somewhat enigmatic Natalie (Scarlett Johansson) as his new assistant.

However, not everyone is happy about Tony's unofficial and unsanctioned role as a freelance peacekeeper, especially U.S. Senator Stern (a wonderfully slimy Garry Shandling), who's demanding Stark to turn the Iron Man armor over to the American government, not to mention the efforts of the government's new arms contractor Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell), who's itching to undermine Stark's reputation. Stark's cavalier attitude and somewhat reckless use of the Iron Man suit even causes concern for his best friend, Lt. Col. James Rhodes (Don Cheadle, replacing Terrence Howard from the last film).

There's also the problem of one Ivan Vanko (Mickey Rourke), a Russian physicist who blames the Stark legacy for the downfall of Vanko's father. Vowing revenge, Vanko creates his own modified armor, complete with electrified whips, and plots to kill Stark for his apparent transgressions.

When his personal and public lives begin to unravel when having to contend with Vanko, Hammer, and the government's pressure, Tony must also race to find a replacement for his electromagnetic heart, which is slowly killing him. Oh, and a guy by the name of Colonel Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) wants Iron Man to join an elite program called "the Avenger Initiative".

That a big enough plot for you? The most glaring and pressing problem Iron Man 2 has is the overabundance of supporting characters (both old and new), multiple subplots, and only a two-hour runtime to support it all. Sure, the first film took care of all of the origins and introductory exposition, but scribe Theroux (who co-scripted Tropic Thunder) clearly didn't learn from the mistakes of Spider-Man 3's screenwriters.

In fact, it suffers from TOO much exposition, and the tone of the film veers wildly from dramatic, action-packed, and comedic, the latter of which is present the most, and is sometimes even oppressive in its presence.

Surprisingly, there's also too little action in the film. The audience certainly does get its money's worth in the action setpieces (the film's best piece being a spectacular showdown between Vanko and Stark on a Grand Prix race track in Monaco), but for a film called Iron Man 2, the slam-bang fight scenes and robotic smackdowns are few and far in between (not to mention an almost insultingly quick climactic final battle between hero and villain), and it would've been nice to have seen Iron Man as much as we see Tony Stark.

But seeing Stark isn't really a bad thing, as once again, Downey Jr. is a blast to watch as the egotistical industrialist. Like in the first movie, Downey served as the heart and soul of the proceedings, and is at the top of his game here. Despite his smarmy and arrogant facade (which is amplified tenfold by a new drinking problem), we empathize with his inner demons and fears, including his plight with possibly dying young, and his still-present anger at his deceased father Howard (seen in archival footage played by John Slattery). Downey's Stark is an intriguing and engaging character, and a pure delight whenever he's onscreen.

In fact, if anything can garner Iron Man 2 a strong recommendation, it's the casting as a whole. Once again, Stark has terrific camaraderie with Paltrow as his Gal Friday and new CEO, what with their overlapping, Altmanesque dialogue and building sexual tension. Cheadle actually does a better job than Terrence Howard as Stark's best buddy and former military liasion, whose frustration with Tony's irresponsibility boils over in a both funny and deadly serious armored slugfest with a drunken Stark-as-Iron Man.

Rourke, hot off his own Hollywood comeback, is great and appropriately menacing as a heavily tattooed and venomously vengeful Russkie. Outfitted with an almost S&M-style armored harness, and wielding some kick-ass electric whips, Vanko is a symbolic and efficient antithesis to Stark. But props definitely should go to the always-entertaining Rockwell as a cowardly weasel of an arms dealer. His Hammer character is absolutely hilarious, and steals every scene he's in. As the director of the espionage agency known as S.H.I.E.L.D., Jackson's role as Nick Fury is merely an extended cameo, and Johansson doesn't have much to do as the sexy Natalie Rushman/Romanoff (who curiously lacks the Russian accent her comic book counterpart possesses) besides look hot as hell and have one cool action sequence.

It's shame that much of the spark that made the first Iron Man so great is gone here. Favreau clearly fell victim to the "bigger is better" mantra, and while the original's story, characters, and action clicked with amazing precision, this outing at times feels clunky, uneven, and rushed. There are plenty of Easter eggs and hints towards Marvel Studios' future releases (like the first Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, and next year's Thor and Captain America, this film is another piece of the puzzle for 2012's eventual all-star Avengers film), and there are plenty of things to keep fanboys and fangirls rightfully giddy here, such as the introduction of Rhodes as War Machine, an Iron Man tricked out to the hilt with seemingly dozens of weapons (and to be honest, this fanboy thought it was pretty damn cool).

But despite the occasional lack of cohesion, Iron Man 2 still manages to entertain and delight, thanks to a terrific, funny, and effortlessly cool lead performance by Downey and eye-popping special effects wizardry. It may not be The Dark Knight or Spider-Man 2, but it sure as hell ain't no Batman and Robin or Spider-Man 3. Depending on the success of the Avengers franchise, here's hoping the inevitable Part Three learns from Part Two's mistakes.

Letter Grade: "B-"

If Marvel Superheroes Were Cast 40 to 60 Years Ago...

When a film based on a beloved book, comic book, video game, or television series is announced to be in production, some fans become both excited and nervous at the prospect of just who might be playing their favorite character. This rings especially true for superhero movies, a medium whose fans are especially rabid and obsessive.

While some choices were great (Christopher Reeve as Superman, Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man, Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, or Michael Keaton as Batman), some were either uninspired (Nic Cage as Ghost Rider, Eric Bana as Bruce Banner) or atrociously executed (Jessica Alba as Sue Storm, Ben Affleck as Daredevil, or, dear God, Halle Berry as Catwoman).

After the announcement that Chris Evans was chosen to portray the iconic Captain America, my eyebrow raised considerably. While I believe that Evans is a great actor (his Human Torch was the only saving grace of the otherwise horseshit Fantastic Four films) and has the potential to pull it off, I began wondering if there was any current actor who could effectively convey the trademark characteristics of the Star-Spangled Avenger. Heck, would there have been any actors from years' past who could've done it?

This thought, of course, got me to thinking: if Marvel's superheroes were adapted into movies decades earlier, who would play them? If one got their hands on a time machine and picked actors from several eras of the early-to-mid twentieth century, what screen legends would be the appropriate perfomers?

So here's a list of who I think would've been the perfect picks for the cinematic Marvel universe, if they were to have wholly disregarded the need for believable special effects that were mostly nonexistent in those days.

ROBERT REDFORD as STEVE ROGERS/CAPTAIN AMERICA (to be portrayed by Chris Evans)

With the handsome good looks, square jaw, commanding presence, and an air of maturity that too few actors possessed, The Sundance Kid himself would have been an obvious choice for Captain America. Even with those goofy little wings on his mask.

CLARK GABLE as TONY STARK/IRON MAN (previously portrayed by Robert Downey Jr.)

Let's face it: if it wasn't for Clark Gable, Gone with the Wind's Rhett Butler wouldn't have been the biggest pimp in film history. From his gentlemanly-yet-cocky demeanor to his dashing good looks, Gable proved to be one of cinema's most suave and charming leading men. So naturally, who would've been more deserving of playing Marvel's resident playboy billionaire Tony Stark, a.k.a. the Invincible Iron Man?

MONTGOMERY CLIFT as PETER PARKER/SPIDER-MAN (previously portrayed by Tobey Maguire)

Highly acclaimed in his day for his portrayals of sensitive, angst-ridden characters (with four Oscar nods to his name), a young, '40s-era Montgomery Clift (The Search, From Here to Eternity, Wild River) would have been ideal to play the early '60s incarnation of the friendly neighborhood webslinger, back when Peter Parker was still the lonely, nerdy teen behind that red and blue costume.

GREGORY PECK as REED RICHARDS/MR. FANTASTIC (previously portrayed by Ioan Gruffudd)

Beloved for his legendary, Oscar-winning role as defense lawyer Atticus Finch in 1962's To Kill a Mockingbird, the classy and solemn Peck's natural aura of authority and wisdom would have been a truly fantastic match to the pragmatic and brilliant leader of the Fantastic Four, the elastic Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic.

GRACE KELLY as SUE STORM/THE INVISIBLE WOMAN (previously portrayed by Jessica Alba)

Before she was consort to Monaco's Prince Rainier III and became Princess Grace, Grace Kelly was one of the silver screen's most beautiful, elegant, and sophisticated actresses. Her natural beauty and classy style endeared herself to audiences worldwide, so naturally her maturity and independent demeanor would translate easily into the heart and soul (and most powerful member) of the Fantastic Four, Susan Storm-Richards.

JAMES DEAN as JOHNNY STORM/THE HUMAN TORCH (previously portrayed by Chris Evans)

The youngest and most hotheaded member of the Fantastic Four was depicted as a bad-boy teen idol in the Marvel Universe, so who would have been a better choice than Hollywood's original rebel without a cause, James Dean? A cultural icon and one of the catalysts for the transformation of America's youth in the late 1950s, Dean shared many traits with Johnny Storm (including car racing, which sadly and famously took Dean's life at only age 24), and surely would have looked even cooler (if that was possible) tearing across the sky in flame.

JOHN WAYNE as BEN GRIMM/THE THING (previously portrayed by Michael Chiklis)

Come on, do I really need to explain this one? His name synonymous with the Western, and a true American icon, the Duke was best known for his portrayal of tough, craggy sons of bitches. Ben Grimm, the rocky, grumpy member of the Fantastic Four with a heart of gold and a love for clobberin', matches John Wayne to a "T". Just apply orange, rocky makeup to Wayne, and the rest takes care of itself.

ANTHONY PERKINS as BRUCE BANNER (previously portrayed by Eric Bana and Edward Norton)

Immortalized on screen for his frightening and iconic portrayal of the murderous Norman Bates in Psycho, Tony Perkins was known for his neurotic, moody acting style. Mix that with his skinny frame, and you got yourself a pitch-perfect Bruce Banner, the meek physicist who becomes the Incredible Hulk. And of course, since this era would be lacking in CGI for the jade giant, they could just go the Lou Ferrigno route, and paint green bodybuilder Steve Reeves (who Ferrigno actually regarded as a role model).

ANNE BANCROFT as NATASHA ROMANOFF/BLACK WIDOW (to be portrayed by Scarlett Johansson)

The stunningly gorgeous Anne Bancroft became internationally known for her Oscar-nominated performance as the ultimate MILF, Mrs. Robinson, in 1968's The Graduate. Seductive like no other, it'd be no surprise to see Mrs. Mel Brooks suit up as the beautiful-yet-deadly Russian spy/superheroine/Avenger, the Black Widow.

SIDNEY POITIER as T'CHALLA/THE BLACK PANTHER (not yet portrayed)

One of cinema's finest and most venerable actors, the Academy Award-winning Poitier has carved out a consistent screen persona as a cool-as-a-cucumber, intelligent, and powerful performer, and he would have been ideal as King T'Challa, also known as the Black Panther (no connection with the Black Panther Party, mind you), a longtime member/ally of the Avengers, and the first mainstream black superhero in comic book history.

CLINT EASTWOOD as LOGAN/WOLVERINE (previously portrayed by Hugh Jackman)

If John Wayne defined "badass" during the early days of the American Western, then the incomparable Clint Eastwood was passed the badass torch, leaving his mark on cinema with his tough-as-nails action heroes like Dirty Harry, or the Man With No Name. And it would've taken a tough son of a bitch like Eastwood to truly pull off the X-Men's most popular character, Wolverine. And although the lanky Eastwood has a few inches on the traditionally short Canadian mutant, the character's (and actor's) loner status, "take no shit" attitude, and roguish charm would've certainly made up for it.


Well, there you have it. If you think there's a Marvel character that would've been done justice to a few generations ago, speak up! Excelsior!

Review: "KICK-ASS"

Anyone who knows me well enough knows what a huge comic book nerd I am. Ever since I picked up my first comic when I was seven years old, I was entranced by the colorful and out-of-this-world exploits of costumed superheroes, their equally flamboyant line-up of enemies, and pretty much the whole mythology that defined comic books as a whole.

But if there's one thing that most diehard comics fans and nonreaders have in common, it's that we've had (at one point or another) our own superhero fantasy. I mean, who wouldn't want to be a superhero? I myself have had plenty of daydreams as a child (oh, what the hell, even NOW) where I don a colorful costume, fly across rooftops, and pummel bad guys, saving the world on a daily basis. But of course, we all know that in the real world, such extravagant adventures would be unrealistic.

And yet, Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) doesn't have such a pessimistic attitude. And in the uproarious, brutal, and ridiculously energetic comic book adaptation Kick-Ass, we see what happens when funnybook pipe dreams become a reality.

Dave is pretty much your usual Peter Parker archetype: he's a high school nerd, invisible to the opposite sex, especially his dream girl Katie (Lyndsey Fonseca), and he spends most of his time either hanging out with his equally nerdy friends (Clark Duke and Evan Peters), or whacking off at night to the image of his buxom English teacher.

But Dave has higher aspirations: tired of seeing no one take a stand against the everyday crime he witnesses in New York City, Dave decides to play out his heroic fantasies: he orders a green-with-yellow-piping wetsuit off the internet, gets a matching mask, arms himself with a billy club, and prowls the streets as the city's first real-life superhero: Kick-Ass.

However, the untrained and unskilled Dave learns the hard way that superheroics aren't that easy: on his first mission, Dave gets stabbed, struck by a car, and is put in the hospital. After getting metal plating in his body (and learning that the trauma gave him the inability to feel most pain), the recuperated Kick-Ass goes at it again, saving a man from a gang beating. Only this time, his exploits are caught on a cameraphone, which are quickly uploaded to YouTube, making Kick-Ass an overnight internet sensation.

This catches the attention of local mob boss Frank D'Amico (Mark Strong), who thinks that Kick-Ass is behind the recent murders of many of his underlings and drug dealers. D'Amico's unaware that the real culprits are actually the father-daughter duo of Damon and Mindy Macready (Nicolas Cage and Chloe Moretz), two lethal and highly resourceful vigilantes going by the codenames of Big Daddy and Hit-Girl. As superheroes both amateur and pro cross paths and become embroiled in the real and deadly world of the mob, and as D'Amico's nerdy son Chris (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) poses as a superhero called Red Mist to lure Kick-Ass into a trap, Dave realizes that he's truly way in over his head.

Based on the eight-issue Marvel/Icon miniseries by writer Mark Millar and illustrator John Romita Jr., Kick-Ass informs the audience from the start that this ain't their daddy's superhero movie. Both a loving homage and wicked satire of comic book movies and their conventions, Kick-Ass revels in its outrageously adult trappings, what with curse words flying left and right, blood and bullets filling every inch of the screen, and a crazed combination of brutality, pop-culture references, and an almost giddy tone of black humor. Simply put, if Quentin Tarantino directed Spider-Man, and received script help from Kevin Smith and Seth Rogen, the result would be Kick-Ass.

And Brit director Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake, Stardust) realizes that. We're practically told to leave our moral compasses at the door, and breathe in the Grand Guignol insanity presented before us. Vaughn co-wrote the screenplay with his Stardust scribe Jane Goldman, and although they made several changes from the source material (both cosmetic and substantial), the spirit remains. And like the comic, it plays on that very sense of fantasy and wish-fulfillment mentioned above.

And there was no better choice to represent our collective crimefighting fantasies than British actor Aaron Johnson (star of the upcoming young-John Lennon biopic Nowhere Boy). Johnson is terrific and believable as the lonely, dweebish dreamer who, despite his obvious lack of training or physique, decides to seize the day and become his own personal Spider-Man, even if he looks like a total doofus in that bright green wetsuit.

Christopher Mintz-Plasse, best known as Superbad's iconic McLovin', steps away from his Judd Apatow-induced notoriety and does a wonderful job as the equally lonely and duplicitous son of crime lord Frank D'Amico, played by Mark Strong (who apparently seems intent on stealing Ralph Fiennes' title as Hollywood's go-to guy for screen villains).

But the real showstoppers here are that of Big Daddy and Hit-Girl, the latter of whom is the film's breakout character and an inevitable source of controversy.

One-half Uma Thurman's Bride from Kill Bill and one-half Polly Pocket (as well possessing a four-letter-word vocabulary that would make a longshoreman with Tourette's blush), Moretz' Mindy/Hit-Girl is a pint-sized Punisher that will certainly take the audience by storm. From her "holy shit" introductory massacre of a roomful of drug dealers (a scene made all that more deliriously entertaining with the soundtrack inclusion of the theme song from "The Banana Splits"), to her making mincemeat of an army of Frank's goons, the character will truly be considered one of the coolest and most badass female movie heroes from here on out, and despite some worrywarts recently complaining about an 11-year-old girl slashing up bad guys and cursing like a sailor, the over-the-top and manic nature and context of the film will make the onscreen exploits much easier to swallow. It also helps that Moretz is a highly talented and natural actress and gives Hit-Girl a real sense of both maturity and bravado.

And don't forget Nicolas Cage. Mocked nowadays by some for being a paycheck actor who stars in shitty blockbuster movies, it's easy to forget that Cage can be an excellent actor, especially when he's playing batshit crazy (as last year's terrifically deranged Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans proved). Here, Cage is wonderfully demented as both the loving and doting Ward Cleaver-like father to Mindy, and as Big Daddy, a merciless Batman-lookalike vigilante who's got a mad-on for Frank and his operation. Mask on or off, Cage is an absolute hoot (especially when he, as Big Daddy, alters his voice to sound like Adam West).

Production values are topnotch across the board. Kick-Ass captures the candy-color palette of the comics, boasts a fantastic and eclectic soundtrack--whether it's Ennio Morricone, Elvis Presley, or a goofily funny scene where Kick-Ass and Red Mist boogie to Gnarls Barkley in the Mist's car-- and of course, the action scenes are marvelous to behold. Unrepentant in its intensity and bloodiness, the action set-pieces are highly creative and tough to forget, especially once Hit-Girl shows up.

Vaughn does stumble with pacing problems (especially in the film's second act, mostly in regards to Dave's bumbling attempts to gain Katie's attention), as well as an inconsistent tone, where some scenes don't know if it wants to parody the superhero genre, or genuinely ape it.

But those are minor quibbles in the end. While the adventures of traditional superheroes like Spider-Man, Superman, and the X-Men are anchored by family-friendly morals and subtexts, such a concept is nonexistent for Kick-Ass. As Dave says in voice-over late in the film, "with no power comes no responsibility". And for a film so highly inappropriate, bloody, profane, juvenile, and wildly entertaining, such a paraphrase couldn't be any farther from the truth.

Superpowered by a top-notch cast (with star-making turns for both Johnson and especially Moretz), tongue-in-cheek direction by Vaughn, and a gleeful disregard for all things moral and decent, Kick-Ass is an anarchic, funny, refreshing, and very adult postmodern superhero film for those who may still harbor those inner desires to throw on a cape and cowl. Literally proving, title-wise, that there's still truth in advertising, Kick-Ass does, well, just that.

Letter Grade: "A-"

Top 20 Great Musical and Dance Sequences in Non-Musical Films

We all love a good movie. One that puts a smile on our faces, stimulates our brains, and even delivers a little daily inspiration. But when watching films, nothing is sweeter than the added bonus of an unexpected (yet very welcome) song and dance number, despite the fact that the film in question isn't really of the musical-genre variety. The following are the best examples of cinematic and musical spontaneity (please note that some of the videos in the links aren't of the best quality, but since they were the best I could find, any complaints from you will be automatically thrown in my "I Don't Care'" file).


20. "Anything Goes"- Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom


After the jaw-droppingly iconic opener from 1981's Raiders of the Lost Ark, it'd be tough for Steven Spielberg to top when he came around to doing the India-bound prequel, The Temple of Doom. Of course, even though he couldn't come close to the sheer excitement of the intrepid archaeologist's escape from booby traps and a giant boulder, he did manage to create a brilliantly-choreographed, Bubsy Berkeley-inspired opening credits scene featuring nightclub singer Willie Scott (Spielberg's future wife Kate Capshaw) singing, in Chinese, the 1930's hit "Anything Goes" in a crime lord's club (named "Club Obi-Wan", in fact).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8L5UY3oVJBY

19. "Ninja Rap"- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze


I don't care what you say. This was making the list, by hell or high water. The very scene may well have permanently impacted the lives of millions of kids (mine included) from the early '90s, quite possibly for the better. Just click the link and inhale the Vanilla.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEUaE2pUR_U

18. "All You Need is Love"- Love Actually


There's nothing like a little Beatles to brighten up an already beautiful day, and for new newlyweds Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and Juliet (Keira Knightley), having just kissed at the altar, the lovebirds are pleasantly surprised by an impromptu rendition of the Fab Four's classic by the church choir, orchestra, and several instrumentalists popping out of the congregation.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8616065499336167042&ei=psKaS_z8OoSwqQK8t7DmDA&q=love+actually+all+you+need+is+love&hl=en&client=safari#

17. "You Never Can Tell"- Pulp Fiction


Quentin Tarantino's Oscar-winning indie classic probably had no more iconic moment than the '50s-style dance contest featuring wild child mob wife Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman) and her hitman date Vincent Vega (John Travolta), set at the fictional 1950's-esque restaurant Jack Rabbit Slim's. Partnering up for a twist dance-off to Chuck Berry's "You Never Can Tell", the two heat up the dance floor with their decidedly retro (yet still very cool) dance moves, including the infamous "Batusi" made popular on the old 1960's "Batman" television series.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ik-RsDGPI5Y

16. "Stuck in the Middle with You"- Reservoir Dogs


In Quentin Tarantino's debut film, we see the aftermath of a jewel heist gone wrong, and while most of the thugs are around the city, trying to figure out what the hell happened, a kidnapped cop (Kirk Baltz) is left alone with psychopathic hitman Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen). What follows is a highly disturbing and shocking landmark scene in the gangster genre, set to the hip sounds of Stealer's Wheel's one-hit wonder "Stuck in the Middle with You".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLTqecGbdCc (WARNING: Graphic video)

15. "Waltz of the Flowers"- Caddyshack

Even though the Bushwood Country Club only allots fifteen minutes for the unkempt, raucous caddies to inhabit the swimming pool, that's more than enough time for them to cause complete mayhem. Beginning one of the funniest sequences in movie history is this random, utterly ridiculous synchronized-swimming ballet set to "Waltz of the Flowers" from "The Nutcracker".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEJICxdi6nE

14. "Dueling Banjos"- Deliverance


What seemed like a simple men's-weekend-out in Appalachia turned into something very, very different, and setting the creepy, ominous tone for John Boorman's highly disturbing Deliverance was the terrific bluegrass banjo battle between city slicker Drew (Ronny Cox) and local inbred teenager Lonnie (Billy Redden).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tqxzWdKKu8

13. "Stayin' Alive"- Saturday Night Fever


All it took were a low-angle camera tracking shot, leather shoes, a cocky swagger, and the Bee Gees to instantly turn John Travolta into a true household name, cementing his status in Hollywood... with just the opening credits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okpCx87orOA&feature=related

12. "Tequila"- Pee-Wee's Big Adventure


At the mercy of dozens of surly bikers in a middle-of-nowhere dive bar, manchild Pee-Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) attempts to curry their favor by dancing (rather awkwardly yet assertively) in lift shoes to The Champs' "Tequila" in Tim Burton's surreal classic Pee-Wee Herman's Big Adventure. It's now highly difficult to listen to the song without imagining a skinny little man in a gray suit dancing in front of a bunch of rowdy biker dudes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BodXwAYeTfM

11. "Johnny B. Goode"- Back to the Future


Having been thrown back in time to 1955, '80s-based time traveler Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) has just successfully saved his parent's future marriage at their high school's prom night. Having replaced the house band's injured guitarist, Marty begins playing Chuck Berry's (future) classic "Johnny B. Goode" to the delight of the teenagers, but gets a little too carried away by breaking out wildly anachronistic heavy-metal guitar riffs and sliding across the stage on his knees, much to the mass confusion of the young baby boomer audience.
http://www.tu.tv/videos/michael-j-fox-johnny-b-goode-_1

10. "The Inquisition"- History of the World: Part One


Seeing as how comedy legend Mel Brooks helped craft my sense of humor, it was only natural that one of his movies (two, actually) popped up on this list, the first being the lavish and gloriously un-P.C. Broadway-style number from his time-hopping farce History of the World: Part One. Now most Catholics would agree that the Spanish Inquisition was NOT one of the proudest moments in their history, but only Mr. Brooks could mine comedy gold from such circumstances, where Grand Inquisitor Torquemada (Brooks) prepares to either convert or torture captive Jews, but in the sunny, toe-tapping spirit of Bubsy Berkeley and Esther Williams. Grand anarchy at its best.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5McSEU48Y8

9. "Jai Ho"- Slumdog Millionaire


He won the millions, and he found his girl. Now how does Indian street urchin Jamal (Dev Patel) celebrate? Why, a Bollywood-style dance number, of course! Finishing off Danny Boyle's grand, Oscar-winning rags-to-riches drama is the spectacular Bollywood-inspired dance by the film's lead actors and dozens of extras, set to A.R. Rahman's "Jai Ho".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ki2GtVDOw8o

8. "Tiny Dancer"- Almost Famous


In Cameron Crowe's semi-autobiographical comedy-drama Almost Famous, we witness early-'70s teen William Miller (Patrick Fugit) touring with fictitious rock band Stillwater as part of a freelance journalism piece on the band. While coasting down the highway with the band and various groupies in the tour bus, the silence is broken by the group spontaneously singing along to Elton John's "Tiny Dancer". A sweet, memorable moment from a terrific movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qn3tel9FWU

7. "Puttin' on the Ritz"- Young Frankenstein


Third-generation scientist Dr. Frederick Frankenstein (pronounced "FRAHNK-en-SCHTEEN") has recently followed his famous grandfather's footsteps by creating a cobbled-together Monster. But in an attempt to allay the townspeople's fears, Frederick (Gene Wilder) sets out to prove how much of a "man about town" his Creature is, by setting up a top hat and cane act to Irving Berlin's "Puttin' on the Ritz". A classic scene from a classic Mel Brooks film, made all the funnier by the Creature's (Peter Boyle) slurred, screeching attempts at singing ("Pudditondarizzzzzzz!!!").
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ-aRwEbp5I

6. "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"- Monty Python's Life of Brian


After being crucified by mistake and having been abandoned by his craggy mother (Terry Jones) and his revolutionary friends, biblical-era Brian (Graham Chapman) is clearly depressed at the prospect at dying slowly on the cross. But fellow crucificee Mr. Cheeky (Eric Idle) cheerfully informs him there's always reason to look on the bright side of life, prompting a highly optimistic and upbeat musical number amongst countless other crucifixion victims, in this epilogue to Monty Python's extremely irreverent religious satire Life of Brian. The pull-away shot of a group of doomed crucified people singing their hearts out and whistling makes it all the more ridiculously funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ

5. "Old Time Rock and Roll"- Risky Business


Left at home while his parents are away, Joel (a very young Tom Cruise) is given newfound freedom, breaking into his folks' liquor cabinets, turning on the stereo at full blast, and dancing across his living room wearing only a pink dress shirt and underwear to Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock and Roll". A scene that has been endlessly parodied and referenced in the intervening years, and quite possibly the scene that put Cruise on the map.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilaUVGjMkJo

4. "You Make My Dreams"- (500) Days of Summer


In the brilliant, postmodern "anti-romance" (500) Days of Summer, we witness greeting card writer Tom Hansen (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) attempt to win the heart of the adorable and iconoclastic Summer (Zooey Deschanel). One night, the two finally consummate their relationship, after which the the following morning, a triumphant Tom dances down Los Angeles, with seemingly the entire city celebrating with him, to Hall and Oates' "You Make My Dreams". A terrific and sublime moment, it perfectly encapsulates Tom's joyous state of mind, capped by his seeing Han Solo in lieu of his own reflection. Now who WOULDN'T want to feel like Han Solo?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tJoIaXZ0rw

3. "Shout"- National Lampoon's Animal House


I dare you to find five people who can't associate The Isley Brothers' "Shout" with the greatest gross-out college comedy of all time. I dare you. This scene not only repopularized college toga parties, but even sparked the real-life career of Otis Day and the Knights, whose then-fictional band was created specifically for the film.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RrAadYcbrE

2. "Twist and Shout"- Ferris Bueller's Day Off


Playing hooky from high school and bring along his girlfriend (Mia Sara) and best friend (Alan Ruck), there seems to be no thing that cool high school senior Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) can't sweet-talk or charm his way into. That includes sneaking onto a float during Chicago's Von Steuben Day parade, and lip-synching to Wayne Newton's "Danke Schoen" (much to the impressed bewilderment of his friends), after which he sends the Windy City into a frenzy with The Beatles' "Twist and Shout". Though the late, great John Hughes has made many great, immortal movies, no scene could sum up the spirit of his films better than this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUrOMB-iBLk&feature=related

1. "Bohemian Rhapsody"- Wayne's World


Finally, this list could NEVER be complete without the inclusion of the opening credits sequence of the legendary Queen's magnum opus "Bohemian Rhapsody" in the now-classic Mike Myers comedy Wayne's World, where public access hosts and party boys Wayne (Myers) and Garth (Dana Carvey) cruise down Aurora, IL with their three rocker buddies in Wayne's car, banging their head's to a cassette tape recording of "Rhapsody". Sheer bliss ensues, largely owing to the fact that "Rhapsody" is without a doubt the greatest song EVER, and Wayne's World merely cemented the song's immortality.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9umpJj3D4d8


And just for shits and giggles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLqsdPUfnno. Just TRY not to laugh your ass off in sheer embarrassment and pain.

Review: "THE WOLFMAN"

You can't beat the original Universal Studios horror classics. You just can't. While the special effects are undeniably archaic when viewed today, and while they may not be as scary to contemporary audiences as they were to audiences in the 1930s and '40s, there's just an air of class, sophistication, and elegance that horror films of today experience too rarely.

I mean, when you compare the oldies with the newbies, there's just no contest! Sure, the 1999 version of The Mummy was cool in a visual sense, but compared with the great Boris Karloff in the original 1932 film of the same name, Arnold Voosloo's Imhotep would probably fare better staying in the tomb.

The same goes for vampires. Though we're currently experiencing a glut of films, books, and television shows preoccupied with bloodsuckers, the likes of tame, teenybopper vampire fads like Twilight or Cirque de Freak couldn't hold a candle to Bela Lugosi's 1931 classic incarnation of Dracula.

And of course, werewolves have become a hot commodity, what with Twilight, Underworld, and Harry Potter re-popularizing those furry nightstalkers, though never to the legendary extent of 1941's all-time classic, The Wolf Man. Starring horror great Lon Chaney, Jr., Wolf Man quite possibly ignited the modern Western world's fascination with werewolves.

But unlike Dracula and The Mummy, the original Wolf Man never had its own straight-up remake, though plenty of lycanthrope-themed films did come out of the woodwork later on (1981's An American Werewolf in London being possibly the best contemporary werewolf movie to date).

But, as is the trend in modern Hollywood, everything needs to be remade (especially horror films), and so the original werewolf classic was finally "reimagined" for the 21st century, this time under the helm of fantasy/adventure director Joe Johnston. And at the risk of sounding cliched, this Wolfman's bark is seriously better than its bite.

In 1890s England, rumors have been floating around that an accursed beast has been stalking the woods and murdering scores of villagers. One such unlucky and eviscerated fellow was Ben Talbot, the son of reclusive nobleman Sir John Talbot (Anthony Hopkins) and the brother of Shakespearean actor Lawrence Talbot (Benicio del Toro).

Lawrence, having been living and performing in America for many years, returns to bury his brother and patch things up with their estranged father. Though there's no love lost between Lawrence and John, the younger Talbot has vowed to Ben's fiancee Gwen (Emily Blunt) to get to the bottom of Ben's death. His search takes him to a local gypsy village, which is suddenly under attack by a shadowy monster. Lawrence is attacked by the beast and bitten on the shoulder.

Surviving the encounter, Lawrence recuperates at his father's estate, only to notice that the bite wound has healed and/or disappeared in less than a day. Superstitious villagers are keen to lock Lawrence up, believing him to soon become the next incarnation of the beast. Sure enough, at the next full moon, Lawrence transforms into a snarling, animalistic, and rampaging "wolf man", leaving countless bodies in its wake. On the run after turning back into his peaceful human self, Lawrence must evade the authorities, an expert Scotland Yard inspector (Hugo Weaving), all while trying to figure out his inhuman malady and the uncertain motives of his mysterious father.

I walked into The Wolfman with low expectations, not only considering my tepid response to the trailer and commercials, but by the indisputable fact that nothing could surpass the 1941 original. I was pretty sure that Wolfman 2.0 would merely be a brainless, enjoyable waste of time focused on blood 'n guts goodness and campy performances.

For the most part, my prognostications were true. Though I respect director Joe Johnston's mostly kid-friendly, visuals-focused career (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, Hidalgo, Jurassic Park III, and the terrific retro superhero flick The Rocketeer), his venture into R-rated horror fares just as well (or is that poorly?) as almost every other modern-day monster movie.

If there's anything about The Wolfman to truly deserve admiration, it's the fact that it doesn't take itself too seriously. Unlike the dreadful Hugh Jackman "horror homage" film Van Helsing, the new Wolfman displays a hefty amount of intentional camp, almost paying homage to the melodrama of the original film.

It also helps that the film is gorgeous to behold. Instead of trying to go "high-tech period film" like Van Helsing unfortunately did, Wolfman lovingly recreates Victorian England as a dark, cloudy, even spooky environment, truly paying homage to the old Wolf Man's frightening atmosphere and ambiance.

And the make-up work by the prolific Rick Baker is astounding. Matching the original Jack Pierce make-up work worn by Chaney, Jr. but clearly revamped thanks to the movie magic of today, Baker does a grand job bringing the Wolfman back to life (interestingly, Baker won the Best Make-up Oscar in 1981 for An American Werewolf in London).

The actual Wolfman scenes are appropriately brutal, with every imaginable kind of human organ flying up on the screen (and a hell of a lot of jump scenes). Though at times he looks like a coked-up Chewbacca, this hairy mongrel is a convincing creature of the night.

However, when the scenes revert to plain old Larry Talbot, the dramatic bite is much less intense than the horror's. The script by Andrew Walker and David Self is drab and by-the-numbers, and we feel little to no sympathy for the characters, especially Lawrence and Gwen. Considering the R-rating and the potential for great character drama, a bit more intensity would've helped.

So would better/more memorable performances. Oscar winner del Toro is a fine actor, and on some occasions, he captures the fear and vulnerability of Lon Chaney's Talbot, but for the most part, del Toro sleepwalks through the role.

Thankfully, the ever-reliable Anthony Hopkins is here to chew every single piece of scenery on display. Grizzled, creepy, and wonderfully hammy, Sir Anthony does a fine job as the daddy with many secrets, with a performance that overshadows the frankly boring Freudian drama between Lawrence and John.

The talented Emily Blunt is unfortunately relegated to pretty window dressing as the grieving fiancee, and the always-awesome Hugo Weaving sadly doesn't get much room to breathe as the intrepid detective on the Wolfman's trail.

It's never really wise to try to one-up a cinematic legend. As most remakes have proven, it's best not to mess with the classics, and although The Wolfman isn't indescribably dumb or insulting like most horror remakes, it just doesn't cut the mustard when it comes to delivering consistent scares or convincing performances. A good waste of time, but nothing to truly howl at the moon about.

Letter Grade: "C-"

Review: "ANTICHRIST"

After viewing Danish director Lars von Trier's Antichrist, I was experiencing two extreme emotions: first off, my stomach was churning. I felt sick to my stomach, almost to the point of feeling physically ill. I rushed to get an antacid in hopes of relieving my sudden gastrointestinal distress.

The second emotion was that of confusion. I was literally left scratching my head, nearly burrowing a hole into my head with my fingernail. Now, I've been stumped by the meanings and subtexts of films before. I was maddened by the abrupt ending of Cast Away. The works of David Lynch left me flabbergasted. And I saw Donnie Darko three times, never to find out what was going on. But Antichrist became the new heavyweight "What the Fuck" champion of the cinematic ring.

A source of controversy since it premiered at the 2009 Cannes Film Festival, where several viewers either fainted or walked out, Antichrist is truly a personal work for director von Trier, a filmmaker famous for previously practicing the avant-garde Dogme 95 moviemaking style, where practitioners followed strict rules to maintain the core "essence" of filmmaking without so-called bells and whistles of conventional cinema.

Even though the movement was ended in 2005, von Trier still maintained a reputation for creating subversive, unconventional, and seriously weird movies, such as the minimalist Dogville and the depressing Dancer in the Dark. Though not even close to being a man known for big-budget blockbusters, von Trier still amassed a cult following for his dark, stylistic vision.

Well, if you want dark and stylish, Antichrist goes to the extreme, and then some.

Willem Dafoe and British actress Charlotte Gainsbourg play a married couple (known only as "He" and "She" in the press notes) grieving from the accidental death of their toddler son. While He (a therapist) does a better job hiding his grief, She is crippled with emotional distress. Unable to help Her with conventional therapy, He takes his wife out into the woods, up to a cabin known as "Eden".

It's there that He walks Her through the grief process, hoping to help her overcome her fear and her massive sense of loss. But as the process grows more and more trying, the couple begin to experience strange visions, extrasensory phenomena, and other frightening happenings that exacerbate the couple's fears, fragile psyches, and eventually drives them to insanity.

Antichrist is definitely not your dad's psychological thriller. Hell, it's probably not even YOUR psychological thriller. Dark, bleak, and sometimes extremely confusing, Antichrist can probably be best understood by von Trier, and no one else. It makes sense, as the film was reportedly conceived while von Trier was experiencing a long bout of depression. Seeing how intensely personal his movie is, it shouldn't really be any surprise that no real answers are given at film's end, but instead lying completely open to interpretation.

But at the same time, that's the exact thing that hinders the Antichrist experience. The overuse of symbolism, the abundance of talking/dead animals, and the maddeningly ambiguous ending only produces questions that may never be answered. Does the horrific, sexually explicit violence serve as a metaphor for the suffering of women? Or does conversely serve as a metaphor for misandry? Is the film a straight-up horror picture, where nature truly comes alive to torture the two main characters? Or do the frightening, vicious proceedings mostly take place in His and Her minds? Regardless of how many times one may view the film (and I would regard such a person as one with seemingly no gag reflex), it seems as though Antichrist will always be a puzzle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

But if there is a definite positive to be taken from the film, it's the excellent lead performances by Dafoe and Gainsbourg. Dafoe, an actor whom this reviewer holds in high regard, is magnificent as the grieving father and therapist who eschews modern psychiatry and prefers to take a natural, old-school method into taking control of the mind.

But all the kudos should go to Gainsbourg, who's heartbreaking, vulnerable, and ultimately frightening as the emotionally crippled mother who succumbs to her baser, animalistic instincts in the worst way possible. It's a daring and virtuoso performance, and one that should definitely catch the attention of Stateside filmmakers.

As stated earlier, Antichrist is incredibly difficult to categorize. One school of thought would call it an examination of loss, grief, madness, and carnal instincts. Another would consider it a allegory to the plight of women (or even men). And a third school of thought would just call it one of the biggest mindfucks of all time. But while Antichrist gains high marks for its terrific performances and masterful technical attributes, in the end, its inherent ambiguity, lack of focus, and its indecisiveness of whether it wants to be an arthouse film or a shock-value extravaganza hurts the film in the long run.

Letter Grade: "C"