So as I looked at the movie times in my local newspaper, I noticed another film that was also being released the same day as Deathly Hallows, a Russell Crowe thriller called The Next Three Days. Not surprisingly, I haven't seen nowhere near as many ads or promos for this movie compared to the latest boy-wizard extravaganza, and I ended up feeling sorry for the poor bastards who were told that their movie was to be released concurrently with a film that was all but guaranteed to make kajillions of dollars.
So since it's fairly obvious that The Next Three Days won't be making much moolah over the next three days (yes, I did plan that genius act of wordplay), I felt it would be rather appropriate to revisit some more little-films-that-could-but-ultimately-didn't that clearly got the shaft as far as getting prime release date real-estate in domestic theaters goes.
THE MOVIE: Day of the Dead
THE PLOT: As the surface world is being ravaged by zombies, a motley group of human survivors attempt to... well, survive.
THE RELEASE DATE: July 3, 1985 (limited release), July 19, 1985 (wide release)
THE COMPETITION: Some goofy time-travel flick starring that kid from "Family Ties"... Back to the Future, that's what it was.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: Michael J. Fox proved to be both a television AND movie draw when the first BTTF made $19 million. Day only mustered $3.5 mil.
AND IN THE END? Despite legendary director George Romero's significant clout amongst Hollywood and moviegoers (and despite an expanded wide release), his zombie flick left American theaters with only $5.8 million. Back to the Future, on the other hand, kicked off its well-deserved legacy with $210.6 million.
THE MOVIE: Amazon Women on the Moon
THE PLOT: A satirical take on '50s and '60s -style low-budget B-movies.
THE RELEASE DATE: September 18, 1987
THE COMPETITION: The Michael Douglas/Glenn Close erotic thriller Fatal Attraction.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: The Kentucky Fried Movie-style spoof stunk it up at the box office with only a $171,000 bow. Attraction took in $7 million (which is $14.6 million in 2010 dollars).
AND IN THE END? Despite its less-than-stellar opening, Fatal Attraction ended up attracting $156 million by its closing. Amazon Women's total was truly fatal at only $548,696.
THE MOVIE: Opportunity Knocks
THE PLOT: A con man (Dana Carvey) steals the identity of a millionaire's friend in order to score major cash.
THE RELEASE DATE: March 30, 1990
THE COMPETITION: The big-screen adaptation of the wildly popular Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: Carvey's hot streak on "Saturday Night Live" wasn't enough to deter Turtle Power. Opportunity Knocks was clearly lacking in opportunity, opening with only $3 million. The Turtles blasted into the big time with $25 million.
AND IN THE END? The success of Wayne's World was two years away, so Carvey and Opportunity had to settle for only $11 million. Ninja Turtles shelled out a bodacious $135 million run, becoming (at the time) the highest-grossing independent film ever.
THE MOVIE: The Meteor Man
THE PLOT: An unassuming schoolteacher (Robert Townsend) is struck by a strange green meteorite, gains superpowers, and sets out to defend Washington, D.C. from street crime.
THE RELEASE DATE: August 6, 1993
THE COMPETITION: The Harrison Ford/Tommy Lee Jones action-thriller The Fugitive.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: The superhero was ultimately no match for Harrison Ford's star power. The Fugitive opened with $24 million, while the critically-panned Meteor Man only claimed $2.6 million.
AND IN THE END? The obscure Meteor Man died an unheroic death with a meager $8 million, and The Fugitive ran off with a domestic haul of $184 million.
THE MOVIE: Lone Star
THE PLOT: A Texas sheriff (Chris Cooper) sets out to discover who murdered one of his predecessors (Kris Kristofferson).
THE RELEASE DATE: June 21, 1996
THE COMPETITION: Yet another animated blockbuster from the Disney juggernaut, this time the Victor Hugo adaptation The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: Despite great reviews, the Texas murder mystery lost out to Quasimodo's $21 million opener with only a $232,184 bow.
AND IN THE END? Once again, kiddie fare won the box office battle. Hunchback made $100 million in America, while Lone Star grossed only $12 million.
THE MOVIE: The Apostle
THE PLOT: An adulterous evangelical preacher (Robert Duvall) moves to Louisana with a new identity and begins a radio preaching career.
THE RELEASE DATE: December 17, 1997
THE COMPETITION: An obvious shipwreck also known as Titanic.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: The well-reviewed Apostle clearly didn't have the Good Lord on its side, making only $29,396 on its first weekend. James Cameron's Leo DiCaprio-starrer, however, made a superior-yet-seemingly-paltry $28 million opener. And yet...
AND IN THE END? ...Titanic ended up riding on a huge wave of $600 million. The Apostle left theaters with only $20 million.
THE MOVIE: Digimon: The Movie
THE PLOT: Some humans encounter digital monsters from another world... or something like that.
THE RELEASE DATE: October 6, 2000
THE COMPETITION: The Ben Stiller/Robert de Niro comedy Meet the Parents.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: Ben Stiller once again proved himself amongst the 18-24 demographic, with Parents bowing with $29 million. Digimon only nabbed $4 million.
AND IN THE END? Despite the then-mind-bogglingly-enormous popularity of the similarly-themed and similarly-annoying Pokemon franchise, Digimon didn't have a leg to stand on, leaving theaters with only $9.6 million. Meet the Parents meanwhile scored with a final run of $166.2 million (and its 2004 sequel, Meet the Fockers, made history by becoming the highest-grossing live-action comedy of all time with $279 million).
THE MOVIE: Saving Silverman
THE PLOT: Two pals (Jack Black and Steve Zahn) try to derail the upcoming nuptials between their friend (Jason Biggs) and his manipulative girlfriend (Amanda Peet).
THE RELEASE DATE: February 9, 2001
THE COMPETITION: Ridley Scott's Hannibal, the long-awaited sequel to 1991's Oscar-winning The Silence of the Lambs.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: Even though Silverman boasted a popular cast (including American Pie's Biggs and High Fidelity's Black), Hannibal Lecter cannibalized the weekend's box office gross with a huge $58 million. Silverman's take? Only $7.4 million.
AND IN THE END? Despite the mixed reviews compared to Lambs, Hannibal made a killing with $165 million. Silverman couldn't be saved, though, with only $19 million to its name.
THE MOVIE: The Wash
THE PLOT: Two stoners (Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre) find work at a run-down car wash, sell pot on the side, and deal with a uptight boss (George Wallace).
THE RELEASE DATE: November 16, 2001
THE COMPETITION: Oh, just the first entry in a most-likely-to-fail fantasy series called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: The incoming Hogwarts' prodigy destroyed his cannabis-obsessed competition with a $90.3 million opening haul, while The Wash only mustered a pathetic $2.9 million.
AND IN THE END? Sorcerer's Stone obviously paved the way for Mr. Potter's future success by making a final domestic gross of $317 million, becoming the highest-grossing film of 2001. A huge critical drubbing only made matters worse for The Wash, which ended its run with only $10 million (though its budget was only $7 million, ensuring at least a tiny profit).
THE MOVIE: Deuces Wild
THE PLOT: A street tough (Stephen Dorff) and his gang engage in a bloody war with a rival gang in 1950s Brooklyn.
THE RELEASE DATE: May 3, 2002
THE COMPETITION: Only a swingin' superhero by the name of Spider-Man.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: This gang war was tremendously one-sided. Deuces didn't make a dent with only $2.7 million. Spidey, on the other hand, saved the day (or weekend, as it were) with a massive (and then-record breaking) $114 million.
AND IN THE END? A large ensemble cast and a producer in Martin Scorcese couldn't save Deuces Wild, which made a pathetic final $6 million. Spider-Man owned the entire year of 2002 with a total haul of $403 million.
THE MOVIE: The In-Laws
THE PLOT: A podiatrist (Albert Brooks) discovers that his daughter's future in-laws (Michael Douglas and Candice Bergen) are really CIA agents.
THE RELEASE DATE: May 23, 2003
THE COMPETITION: Jim Carrey's "jerk-becomes-God-for-a-week" comedy Bruce Almighty.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: Are you kidding? The Majestic notwithstanding, a Carrey movie guarantees a huge box office steal, this time with $67 million. The In-Laws were left in the dust with $7.5 million.
AND IN THE END? Carrey's massive star power clinched the final victory, earning a heavenly total of $243 million, while The In-Laws flatlined with $20 million.
THE MOVIE: Alfie
THE PLOT: A playboy (Jude Law) deals with the repercussions of his various affairs and romantic dalliances.
THE RELEASE DATE: November 5, 2004
THE COMPETITION: Pixar's latest in its line of genius animated classics, the superhero homage The Incredibles.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: The remake of the Michael Caine classic couldn't make a headstart, only gaining a $6.2 million opener, while The Incredibles blew away the competition with $70.4 million.
AND IN THE END? Not even the dapper good looks of Jude Law could bring Alfie any more than $13 million. Meanwhile, The Incredibles grossed a whopping $261 million.
THE MOVIE: Murderball
THE PLOT: A documentary focusing on the intense rivalry between the American and Canadian quad rugby teams, leading up to the 2004 Paralympics.
THE RELEASE DATE: July 8, 2005 (limited release), July 22, 2005 (wide release)
THE COMPETITION: Marvel's latest superhero blockbuster, Fantastic Four.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: Even though Murderball opened to rave reviews, the limited release only gained $57,000. The critically-panned Fantastic Four managed to claim a $56 million opener.
AND IN THE END? Murderball only cost $300,000 to make, therefore technically making a profit with a final haul of $1.7 million. But that's mere peanuts compared to Fantastic Four's $154 million domestic take.
THE MOVIE: Lucky You
THE PLOT: A Vegas poker player (Eric Bana) with daddy issues meets a fledgling singer (Drew Barrymore). Romantic goings-on ensue.
THE RELEASE DATE: May 4, 2007
THE COMPETITION: Spider-Man 3. Good movie or no, it's no contest.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: Luck was not in the cards for Lucky You, which bowed with $2.7 million. Spider-Man 3 scored a major jackpot of $151 million.
AND IN THE END? Lucky You faded into obscurity with $5.7 million, while Spidey swung all the way to the bank with $336 million.
THE MOVIE: Space Chimps
THE PLOT: Some talking monkeys are launched into space. I think that's about it.
THE RELEASE DATE: July 18, 2008
THE COMPETITION: The chimps got double-teamed by both the Batman flick The Dark Knight, and the musical chick flick Mamma Mia!.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: The monkeys didn't stand a chance in Hell. While they made only an opening haul of $7 million, The Dark Knight broke records with a heroic $158 million opening, while Mamma scored $27 million for second place.
AND IN THE END? Clearly, talking monkeys aren't as popular as they used to be. Space Chimps only made a $30 million total, while Mamma Mia! finished with $144 million, and The Dark Knight claimed 2008 with an astronomical $533 million total.
THE MOVIE: Shorts
THE PLOT: A group of kids discover a magical, wish-granting rock, sending a suburban town into disarray.
THE RELEASE DATE: August 21, 2009
THE COMPETITION: Quentin Tarantino's highly-awaited WW2 epic Inglourious Basterds.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: Even though Shorts was directed by Robert Rodriguez (whose previous Spy Kids franchise proved to be consistent successes), its $6.4 million opener was no match for Rodriguez' buddy Tarantino's $38 million bow.
AND IN THE END? Basterds proved to be Quentin's highest-grossing film to date, hauling in $120.8 million by the end. Shorts truly came up short with $21 million.
THE MOVIE: Did You Hear About The Morgans?
THE PLOT: A soon-to-be-divorced couple (Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker) are forced into Witness Protection after witnessing a murder.
THE RELEASE DATE: December 18, 2009
THE COMPETITION: A little film called Avatar.
WHO WON THE WEEKEND: The formulaic comedy didn't have a chance. It opened with only $6 million, while James Cameron's first film since 1997's Titanic (the highest-grossing film in history at the time) bowed with $77 million.
AND IN THE END? Are you kidding? Where have you been? While The Morgans exited theaters with a mere $29 million, Avatar beat the shit out of all kinds of box office records, gaining a final take of $760 million, beating Cameron's Titanic record and becoming the biggest-grossing movie of all time.
No comments:
Post a Comment